1 00:00:03,212 --> 00:00:04,670 Come on! Let's go. 2 00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:06,794 We're gonna need a little extra time at airport security... 3 00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:09,207 'cause I'm pretty sure they're gonna want to pat you down. 4 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,757 Manny's with his father for the weekend... 5 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,419 so Jay and I are flying to Vegas. 6 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,469 I'm a little torn because I want alone time with Gloria... 7 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,596 but I also like rubbing Manny's head for good luck. 8 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,929 I just need to send this e-mail to Claire... 9 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,063 why I'm not working on the bake sale next week... 10 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,606 - but I can't say the real reason. - Why not? 11 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,861 Because she drive me crazy when she's in charge of these things. 12 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,652 - We got a flight to catch, so let me help you out here. - Okay. 13 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:37,787 You tell me what you wanna say to her, and I'll help you find a nice way to say it. 14 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,113 I want to say... 15 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,784 "I can't work on the bake sale... 16 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,247 - because you're a bossy control freak... 17 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:49,840 that looks down on my cupcakes, even though your lemon squares were very dry." 18 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:52,167 19 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:55,262 There. Okay? How's this? 20 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:58,134 "Dear Claire, I can't work the bake sale... 21 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,680 because you're a bossy control freak who look down"... 22 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,513 Very funny, Jay. 23 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,597 - - Ay. Yes. 24 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:08,557 Why the whoosh? Where did... Where is the e-mail? It sended! 25 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,487 - �Ay! Make it come back. - I don't know how to make it come back. 26 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,145 Now she's gonna read it and she's gonna think it's from me! 27 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:17,491 Well, technically, it was from you. But come on. Let's hit the road. 28 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,779 It sended! 29 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,452 Please come back. 30 00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:27,085 31 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,210 32 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,255 33 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,299 34 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:34,630 35 00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:39,048 We love our neighborhood. But sometimes... 36 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,050 the last thing you wanna do after fighting traffic... 37 00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,135 is get back in the car to go out to eat... 38 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:46,893 and the only restaurant within walking distance is Shawarma City. 39 00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:49,390 Two shawarma combo. Meat or chicken? 40 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:52,936 - One meat, one chicken. - And can you make the chicken all white meat? 41 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,402 - Number 32. Pay cashier. - That's not an answer. 42 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,408 43 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,492 Then, a miracle happened. 44 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,988 The hottest new restaurant in the city opened up two blocks away. 45 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,371 - Amelia's. - But there was a problem. 46 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:09,081 - They can take us at 5:15. - What are we, 80? 47 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,413 - Or 10:45. - What are we, 20? 48 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:14,128 Then, miracle number two. 49 00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:18,926 Turns out one of the mothers at Lily's preschool is none other than Amelia herself. 50 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,220 So we arranged a playdate with her son Jackson... 51 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,182 where we would, you know, charm Amelia. 52 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,594 Okay. The most important playdate ever. 53 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,514 So I'm really gonna need you to sparkle, sweetie. 54 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,266 Oh, I'm gonna sparkle like it's the Fourth of July. 55 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:30,437 - I was talking to Lily. - Hmm? 56 00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:36,276 It's our parents' anniversary, so we're surprising them with breakfast in bed. 57 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,737 They're impossible to buy for. 58 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,530 We think. We've never really tried. 59 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,494 Okay, ready? 60 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,073 One, two, three. 61 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,117 Surprise... 62 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,456 63 00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:52,004 No! Oh! 64 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,583 No! - No! 65 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,216 - I'm sorry! - Nothing's happening! 66 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,463 Oh, my God! 67 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:58,343 Yeah. Our kids walked in on us. 68 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:01,346 We were, as they say, having sex. 69 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,516 That's not a euphemism, Phil. It's exactly what we were doing. 70 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,927 Having sex... in front of our children. 71 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,690 - Well, they weren't there when we started. - No. 72 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:13,059 - In fact, you weren't even there when we started. 73 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,144 - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - It's okay. 74 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:18,154 - Maybe they didn't see anything. - Sweetie, they screamed. 75 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,739 They dropped a tray of dishes and they ran out of here like they were on fire. 76 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,404 You were on fire, lady. 77 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,824 Really? You're still going? 78 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:29,117 Forgive me for thinking your zesty performance deserves some praise. 79 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,958 Phil, our children are downstairs right now, and they're probably traumatized. 80 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,372 Oh, come on. I'm sure it's not that bad. 81 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,165 I can still see it! 82 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,920 I can't believe that just happened. 83 00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:41,921 - What were they doing? Nothing. 84 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,339 Whatever it was, it looked like Dad was winning. 85 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,758 "It"! They were doing "it"! 86 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,177 - He has no idea what you're talking about. - Sex? 87 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,469 Yes! 88 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,307 I know what sex is, Alex. 89 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,602 It's when a man and a woman take off their underpants and then get into the bed. 90 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,019 - Stop talking! 91 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:02,021 - Try Claire again. - I'm not getting a signal. 92 00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:03,777 Relax. We'll get her. 93 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,112 Shorty told me about this restaurant in Vegas. 94 00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:10,621 It's got a three-story wine tower right in the middle of it. 95 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:14,043 Guy who gets your wine flies around on a wire. 96 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,623 - Like the Peter Pan? - No. 97 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,419 Not like "the Peter Pan." This is a high-end place. 98 00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:21,046 Oh, yeah, because all the finest restaurants in the world... 99 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,295 have people flying around on wires. 100 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:27,386 You know, you used to go bananas when the Japanese guy flipped a shrimp onto your plate. 101 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,515 - Now look at you. - Try her again! 102 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,892 Fine. And just so you know, it's not like Peter Pan. 103 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,688 I mean, nobody wears tights or anything. 104 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:36,443 Well, if they're not wearing anything, I don't want them flying over my food. 105 00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,021 - - Hello? 106 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,270 Phil, it's me. Can I talk to Claire? 107 00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:41,822 Yeah. One second, Jay. 108 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,030 - It's your dad. - No, no. Can't. Uh-uh. 109 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,576 She doesn't want to talk right now. 110 00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:47,155 - Ay, no. - Why not? 111 00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,369 Uh, she's a little too upset. 112 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,828 Phil, put her on. 113 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,372 - He says he wants you... - Hang up the phone. 114 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,501 - I'm sorry, Jay. She says I have to go. 115 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:57,833 116 00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,414 You know, she's my daughter and everything... 117 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,759 but that guy seriously needs to grow a pair. 118 00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:07,594 Well, we tried. Vegas, here we come. 119 00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:10,008 Turn around the car. 120 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,430 Only 'cause I want to. 121 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:24,115 This is a beautiful home. I love the throwback to the '60s. 122 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,117 Although if this was the '60s, we'd be a couple of "confirmed bachelors"... 123 00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:28,696 and Lily would be a Yorkie. 124 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,946 And I'd still be trapped in a loveless marriage. 125 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,949 - Oh, Amelia. 126 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,584 - Come on. - Oh, you are funny. 127 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,040 Oh! 128 00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,872 I really like you guys. 129 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,455 I haven't had a lot of time to meet the other parents. 130 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:45,250 - Single mom, hectic work schedule... - Now, what do you do, Amelia? 131 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,137 I own a few restaurants. 132 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,096 - Oh. - I just opened one nearby. 133 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,756 Oh, my gosh. Are you that Amelia? 134 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,307 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, my gosh! 135 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,267 We've heard wonderful things about the restaurant. It must be doing well. 136 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,931 We can never seem to get a reservation. 137 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,900 - Can't get in. - Can't. 138 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,656 Well, that's no problem. The next time you call, just tell them... 139 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,567 - Oop. One second. 140 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,328 - I'm sorry. Tell them what? - Hello? 141 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,451 Did you show it to him? And what did he say? 142 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:15,239 Okay. Hold on a second. I'm-I'm gonna switch phones. 143 00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:17,077 I'm sorry. It's the restaurant. - Oh. 144 00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:20,917 - Excuse me just a minute. - Yeah, you said to tell them something. 145 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,749 Did you hear that? When we know what to say, we're in. 146 00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:28,093 Oh, this is very exciting. I've never had an in at a restaurant before. 147 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:31,050 They'll probably greet us at the door by our names, show us to our favorite table. 148 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,766 Let us play fast and loose with the menu... 149 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:36,054 order lunch things for dinner, dinner things for lunch. 150 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,688 151 00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:39,101 It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 152 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:40,685 Cameron, stop moving! 153 00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:43,349 Are you there? Put him on the phone. 154 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,354 That's the baby monitor. Should we turn it off? 155 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:50,026 Who am I speaking to? Well, Mr. Campbell... 156 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,076 you need to replace the extremely expensive countertop... 157 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,404 that one of your incompetent workers clearly ruined... 158 00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,490 when he was supposed to be fixing the refrigerator. 159 00:06:56,583 --> 00:07:00,533 See? Okay. This is why she's so successful. She's tough but calm. 160 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,787 Because I'm not an idiot! 161 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,708 As is evidenced by my law degree... 162 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,085 which I will happily dust off and use to crush you in court if you don't fix it... 163 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:12,223 replace it or send me a check in the next 72 hours. 164 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,181 You know what? Stay right there. 165 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:15,643 - Don't move. - 166 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,183 - Act like you weren't listening. - What does that look like? 167 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,849 - Like this. 168 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:24,151 I'm so sorry. I have to run down to the restaurant for a minute. 169 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:27,735 I really feel terrible asking, but would you guys mind? 170 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,899 - It's not a problem. We'll watch the kids. Oh, yes. 171 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:33,824 You go take care of that fabulous restaurant of yours that we cannot wait to try. 172 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,821 And when we do call, Amelia, you said... 173 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:40,161 Jackson, Mommy will be right back, okay? Thanks you guys so much. 174 00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,743 I owe you big-time. Okay. 175 00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:48,800 - Did you hear that? - She owes us big-time. 176 00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,878 You know, she also has that restaurant in Las Vegas... 177 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,094 where the sommeliers fly around on wires. 178 00:07:53,182 --> 00:07:57,890 Oh, my gosh. Lily, thank you for being such a trouper with Mr. Personality over there. 179 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,101 I'm gonna get you a treat. 180 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:02,858 Oh. A juice box broke in here. It's all wet inside. 181 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:03,937 182 00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:06,730 Will you stop gasping? It's just a diaper... 183 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,857 Oh! 184 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,159 Okay. We need a game plan. 185 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,286 We need to rehearse exactly what we're gonna say... 186 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,283 'cause that is the only way I'm gonna hold it together... 187 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:23,127 when my babies are looking at me with judgment and disgust. 188 00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:25,667 First of all, that's how they always look at us. 189 00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:27,795 Oh, Phil. 190 00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:30,125 Secondly, this isn't as traumatic as you think. 191 00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,211 Honey, I walked in on my parents having sex once. 192 00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:35,720 It was... oh, awful. I can't even get the image out of my mind. 193 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,215 Claire, we're not your parents. We're in much better shape. 194 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:41,062 Okay. You wanna know the worst thing? 195 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:43,471 They didn't even talk about it. They just let it hang there. 196 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,890 I'm not gonna do that to our kids. 197 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:49,899 Phil, this... this is a defining moment for us as parents. 198 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,479 How we handle this could shape how they feel... 199 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,816 - about sex and intimacy for the rest of their lives. - Honey. Honey. 200 00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:57,483 - Oh, God. - This is only a big deal if we make it a big deal. 201 00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,153 We set the tone here. So let's just play it cool. 202 00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:03,166 Act like it was a big, funny mix-up. Crack a few jokes, lighten the mood. 203 00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,328 - Jokes? - Yeah. 204 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,911 - What kind of jokes? - Well, this is... 205 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,414 I'm just spitballing here, but... 206 00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,667 What if I was all, "Knock, knock." 207 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,670 And they were, like, "Who's there?" And I was all... 208 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,005 "Someone who doesn't want to see their parents doing it. 209 00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,593 That's why we knocked." 210 00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:21,969 Again, this is... this is very rough. 211 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,770 Why are they still up there? 212 00:09:23,856 --> 00:09:26,014 Yeah. How long does sex take? 213 00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:28,184 Oh, my God. Stop talking. 214 00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:32,654 Did you guys notice that Dad had the same look on his face as when he smells a new car? 215 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,571 I need to leave. I need to go to camp. 216 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,784 This is gonna be so weird when they come down. 217 00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:42,244 Let's just go. Okay? Come on. 218 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,540 - Wait. But I'm hungry. - We'll get breakfast. 219 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:48,035 Let's just go! Come on! 220 00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,917 - Let's go! Come on! - Where are you going? 221 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,917 - Anywhere. - Where is your mother? 222 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,714 - I need to talk to her. - I don't think it's a good time right now. 223 00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,049 She won't come out of her room. 224 00:09:57,139 --> 00:10:00,555 - She's really upset, isn't she? - Big-time. 225 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,849 - How'd you know? - We called. 226 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,514 Tell me exactly what she said. 227 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,811 I don't know. There was just a lot of screaming. 228 00:10:06,899 --> 00:10:09,140 Where was your father when all this was going on? 229 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,061 Oh. He was right behind her. 230 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:13,027 231 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,696 It's not coming out! It's not coming out! 232 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,575 Blot! Don't rub, blot! 233 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,155 We are beyond blotting and rubbing. 234 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,736 - We've moved on to sweating and crying. - Okay. Let's not panic. 235 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,749 We'll tell Amelia what happened, and then we'll pay to have it cleaned. 236 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,586 - What if it can't be cleaned, Mitchell? - Okay, okay. 237 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,248 Then we'll pay for a new rug. 238 00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:31,537 Are you insane? 239 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:35,464 This is a limited edition alpaca handmade Stark rug. 240 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:38,423 I saw it in Architectural Digest. It costs $50,000. 241 00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:40,553 - It was in Diane Keaton's house. - Oh, my... 242 00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,598 Oh, no. It was in... oh, what's-her-name's house. 243 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,428 Um, from Prizzi's Honor. 244 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,935 From, uh... Oh, she was in Addams Family. 245 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:50,728 - Anjelica Huston! - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 246 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,810 Oh, my God. $50,000? 247 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:55,524 For a rug? Cam, we don't have that kind of money. 248 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:59,481 Maybe she won't make us pay. I mean, we wouldn't make someone pay if this happened to us. 249 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:03,906 Did you not hear her on the phone? "Fix it! Replace it! Write me a check!" 250 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,120 She probably has that embroidered on a pillow... 251 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,125 right next to a jar of human tears. 252 00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:12,165 - Maybe we can turn this around. - How? It looks like someone bled out over here. 253 00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:14,628 No. I mean the rug. Maybe we can turn the whole rug around. 254 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:17,670 Put it under the couch. See? No one would ever know it's there. 255 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:20,845 - Well, we would know. - Well... 256 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,680 - What are you thinking? - You don't wanna know. 257 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:28,521 No, tell me, 'cause I think I'm thinking the same thing. 258 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,725 I seriously doubt that, because now I'm thinking it was Joan Collins's house. 259 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:34,152 Okay. 260 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,311 Okay. 261 00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,065 All right. 262 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:41,442 - Gloria. What are you... What are you doing here? - Wait. Where are the kids? 263 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,322 They just left. They told me that you were very upset. 264 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:47,746 - Oh, God. - And you have every right to be. It was bad. 265 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,161 I know that. 266 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,374 Claire, it was an accident. 267 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,872 That doesn't make it any better. 268 00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,920 Okay, you're right. I know how you feel. 269 00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:57,676 - Oh, God. - It happened to me before with another woman. 270 00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,297 And that time, I was the one getting it. 271 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,139 - And it hurt. - Wow. 272 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,931 I'm sorry it had to come out like this. 273 00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:09,014 But you have to admit that you're only happy when you're the one cracking the whip. 274 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,144 - What? - Come on. 275 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,023 We all know how you ride Phil. 276 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:15,979 But maybe if you just let go a little... 277 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,525 maybe even taste my cupcakes... 278 00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:20,238 I will join you. 279 00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:23,609 No. Uh... No. No. I am so confused right now. 280 00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,944 - I may pass out. - What are you talking about? 281 00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:27,698 What are you talking about? 282 00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:32,036 The kids just walked in on me and Phil in bed. 283 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:36,125 We've just spent the last hour holed up in our room, trying to figure out what to say to them. 284 00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:40,252 Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. 285 00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:43,131 Can I use your computer? I just need to check one e-mail. 286 00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:46,472 - Yeah, the kitchen. - Gloria, I just switched us to the next flight. 287 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,350 Did you guys get everything straightened out? 288 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:52,303 Claire is very upset because the kids just walk in on them having sex. 289 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,477 Oh, geez. 290 00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,309 Now that we're all up to speed... 291 00:12:55,400 --> 00:13:00,477 She's so upset that she hasn't even had time to apply her makeup or use her computer. 292 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,364 What are you even doing here, Dad? 293 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,907 I don't think you should be the one doing the questioning here, missy. 294 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:10,614 Don't get mad at her. Your wife's the one who just offered up her cupcakes. 295 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:11,739 Phil. 296 00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:19,290 Good thing we had Mom's gas card. 297 00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:22,052 Don't make me regret buying you that lighter, dude. 298 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,709 - Put it down. - Okay, I'm just gonna say it. 299 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,762 Our parents are totally irresponsible. 300 00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:30,597 And I'm not just talking about us walking in on their little freak show earlier. 301 00:13:30,686 --> 00:13:33,971 - Just let it go. - No! We're lucky to be alive. 302 00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:38,643 How often do they let Luke go to school in shorts in the winter? 303 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:41,440 And they let me ride in the front seat before I was 60 pounds. 304 00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:45,610 And they never shut the gate at the top of the stairs when we were babies. 305 00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:48,108 Do you know how many times you fell on your head? Do you? 306 00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:51,121 - No. - We get it. It was bad. 307 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:52,784 But, you know... 308 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:58,995 I guess it's better than having parents who fight all the time... maybe. 309 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,580 My friend Jacob's parents are getting divorced. 310 00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,964 He has to move out of his house. 311 00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:08,299 - They told him last week. - That sucks. 312 00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:11,308 He'll get used to it. Half of my friends' parents are divorced. 313 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:14,477 - Mine too. - It's insane. 314 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:18,513 So it's a good thing Mom and Dad still do sex. 315 00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:22,653 Better than Mom leaving the stove on, which she's done twice this month. 316 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,822 I just realized we haven't even gotten to the worst part of it yet. 317 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,651 Which is? 318 00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,616 They're gonna want to talk about it. 319 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:32,408 Maybe not. 320 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:35,167 Are you kidding? Their parents never talked about anything... 321 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,326 so they want to talk about everything. 322 00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:41,120 Yeah. They called a family meeting when we switched to one percent milk. 323 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,168 - I don't know where those kids are. 324 00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:48,304 What is more important than putting a working lock on a bedroom door? 325 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,926 - You are one to talk. - What is that supposed to mean? 326 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,681 You don't remember when I walked in on you and Mom that time? 327 00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,513 Gloria, could we please go now? 328 00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:59,476 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So why don't you just get off your high horse, Dad? 329 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,271 At least I am trying to handle this better than the two of you did. 330 00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:05,112 - What did we do? - You made gimlets and went back to your room. 331 00:15:05,197 --> 00:15:06,905 What were we supposed to do? 332 00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,279 You-You could have talked to me. 333 00:15:09,368 --> 00:15:11,740 - You could have made sure that I was okay. - Wanna talk about it? 334 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,536 - Yes. - Fine! 335 00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:17,205 Your mother and I were watching a particularly racy episode of Hart to Hart. 336 00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:20,127 - Oh! - Stefanie Powers had to go undercover as a call girl. 337 00:15:20,212 --> 00:15:21,706 - Mm-mmm. Dad... - Hang on. 338 00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:23,540 - This whole story makes more sense... - Okay. 339 00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:25,625 If you know I got a thing for thigh-high boots. 340 00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,208 Oh, gross. Gross. You are ruining sex for me. 341 00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:29,501 And boots. 342 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,759 Hey. 343 00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:34,553 - Working okay for you? - Yes. 344 00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:37,134 I was sending an e-mail to my brother in Colombia. 345 00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:40,479 - Oh. - I was telling him about Claire. 346 00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:44,433 You know, I realized there's so much I don't know about her. 347 00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:48,027 Like, for example, what is her favorite word? 348 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:51,448 Or what was her first pet's name? 349 00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:53,658 Gloria, I'm not an idiot. 350 00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:55,537 Are you trying to get Claire's password? 351 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,327 Okay, fine. 352 00:15:58,417 --> 00:16:00,208 I sent her something by mistake. 353 00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:03,959 I need to get into Claire's e-mail to erase it before she sees it. 354 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,538 - Before I see what? - Hola, Claire. 355 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,338 Hi, Gloria. Before I see what? 356 00:16:09,428 --> 00:16:11,919 It's so embarrassing. 357 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,587 You see, Jay and I... 358 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,008 It's a naked picture of Gloria. 359 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,727 Whoa. 360 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,564 Yes. Naked. 361 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,855 - Mmm. - I was gonna send it to Jay. 362 00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:26,564 You see everything... the whole body. 363 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,860 - I need to sit. - Okay. 364 00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,774 Wow, Dad. 365 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:35,777 So you just got done giving me a lecture on the importance of locking my bedroom door... 366 00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:41,743 while in my house to retrieve naked pictures that your wife accidentally sent me. 367 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:45,749 - The irony is just occurring to me. - Mmm. Mmm. 368 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,298 - Wow. - What are you doing? 369 00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:50,134 - What I'm doing is deleting it. Good for you. 370 00:16:50,219 --> 00:16:53,255 - Let's go to Vegas! Ciao! 371 00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:55,138 Do us a favor. No pictures. 372 00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:57,263 Oh, Gloria. Listen. 373 00:16:57,351 --> 00:17:00,305 We do need to talk about the bake sale at some point. I have some concerns. 374 00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,055 - Of course you do. - Bye-bye! 375 00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:06,690 What do we do now? 376 00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:09,184 Okay, I'm really afraid of reading this situation the wrong way... 377 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,438 but I'm 80% sure you're coming on to me. 378 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,566 Okay, now 40. 379 00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:15,702 Mitchell, we need to make a decision. 380 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,695 Mitchell, we need to make a decision. 381 00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:21,953 It was the perfect plan. Turn the rug... 382 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,414 and she wouldn't find the stain for years. 383 00:17:24,503 --> 00:17:27,290 But we couldn't do it. We're too honest. 384 00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:30,382 There are certain moments in life that define you... 385 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,341 and this is one of those moments. 386 00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:33,803 387 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:37,256 Guys, I'm so sorry that took so long. 388 00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,721 Oh, my God. What happened here? 389 00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:43,802 - Jackson did it. - He grabbed Lily's strawberry juice and started drinking it. 390 00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,724 Before we could stop him, it was all over everything. 391 00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:47,310 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 392 00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:49,192 - We are horrible people. - I'm only following your lead. 393 00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:51,401 Yeah, so close that you stepped on the back of my shoe. 394 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:54,110 Come here. Jackson's allergic to strawberries. His throat will close up. 395 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:56,690 He can go into anaphylactic shock. I need to inject him right now. 396 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:59,620 - He seems all right to me. - Maybe just get him some fresh air. 397 00:17:59,705 --> 00:18:01,532 Stop talking! He really hates this... 398 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,410 so I'm gonna need you to help me pin down his arms and his legs. 399 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:07,870 Jackson, Mommy's so sorry to have to do this, but it's only gonna hurt for a second. 400 00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,505 - His arms! - Oh! 401 00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:12,341 Okay. All right, here we go. One. Two... 402 00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,050 - Wait! - Wait! 403 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:16,971 - Jackson didn't drink the juice. - I stepped on Lily's bag. The juice box fell. 404 00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,807 We panicked because we heard you on the phone and we can't afford Joan Collins's rug! 405 00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:21,718 We are so, so sorry. 406 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,304 We could not feel any worse. 407 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,182 Oh, no. That's bad. 408 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:31,985 Number 19! 409 00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:34,988 - Yeah. Yeah. - Number 19! 410 00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,568 Oh, could we have some napkins please? 411 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,066 All out of napkins. Paper towels in bathroom, Mitchell. 412 00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,242 He knows your name! 413 00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:44,074 And, uh, I'm just gonna say it. 414 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,787 I'm really sorry about what happened. 415 00:18:46,877 --> 00:18:49,249 Well, we're not sorry about what happened. 416 00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:53,715 - We're sorry that you saw what happened. - Okay. They get that. 417 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:58,213 Let's see. No one wants to see their parents... 418 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,048 Sssssss... 419 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,011 - Your sensuality... - Not dressed... Oh. 420 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:06,268 Basically, it's two adults. - Adults. 421 00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:08,015 - It's like you're shaking hands... - Mm-hmm. 422 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,776 But you're not using your hands at all. 423 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:13,101 I can't handle a big family talk about this. 424 00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,772 We're not gonna have a choice. 425 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:19,027 When they start talking, just smile and nod and think about something else. 426 00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:21,988 Yeah, it's easy. Just like at school. 427 00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:23,787 Yeah. 428 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:26,446 So I guess what I'm saying here is that... 429 00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:30,871 as you get older and explore your sexuality... 430 00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:35,375 you will discover that as long as you are in a committed relationship... 431 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:38,551 with consenting adults, there's really nothing to be embarrassed about. 432 00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:41,175 And let's face it. Your mom can't keep her hands off me... 433 00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:43,138 whenever the gun show comes to town. 434 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,930 Good one, Dad. 435 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,937 Humor makes difficult situations easier. 436 00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:51,477 Wow. Really? 437 00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,725 Totally. You talked to us on our level... 438 00:19:53,819 --> 00:19:55,728 but without being condescending. 439 00:19:55,821 --> 00:19:58,442 - We did. - All right. 440 00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:00,987 - I guess we did. - Huh! 441 00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,654 Yay us! 442 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:05,366 - I think we really handled that well. - Me too. 443 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,160 - You were excellent. - You were pretty good. 444 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,456 - Oh! - Oh. 445 00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:13,165 - This is such a weird day. - I know it. 446 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:15,331 By the way, happy anniversary. 447 00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:18,508 It always is. Mmm. 448 00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:21,844 Hey, Mom, can I get... Oh, my God! Enough! 449 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:24,504 450 00:20:30,022 --> 00:20:32,560 - Hey. What's this? - Your anniversary present. 451 00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:35,105 - Aw! - That's very sweet. 452 00:20:35,194 --> 00:20:39,108 - My goodness. - What is it? 453 00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:44,359 A door lock. How embarrassing. 454 00:20:44,453 --> 00:20:45,995 Thank you. 455 00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:47,823 - We'll use it all the time. - Mmm. 456 00:20:47,915 --> 00:20:49,575 We thought the lock was a really good idea. 457 00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:54,331 But the problem is, it makes a noise. 458 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:55,880 A loud noise. 459 00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,459 460 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:00,795 461 00:21:00,886 --> 00:21:03,294 It's hard for me to look at Dad afterwards. 462 00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:10,009 English - US - SDH